We Need to Stop Making Excuses for Guys Who Clearly Aren’t Interested
Take this to heart ladies - it is a complete waste of time to ignore red flags when it comes to guys, especially while we’re young and hot! It seems obvious to take a hint and move on after being blown off by your crush - but how many times have you found yourself in a situation where you’re simply making excuses for his bad behavior because you aren’t ready to admit a fling is cooling off?
I know a guy, we’ll call him Adam. Adam has been consistently hooking up with the same girl, Katie, for over a year. However, Adam has made it extremely clear both with his actions and words alike that this is strictly a physical relationship; he’s never taken Katie on a date, he’s never gone out of his way to make her feel special, heck - he’s never even hung out with Katie during daylight hours! Now, Katie has voiced on several occasions that she would love to take the relationship in a more serious direction but Adam shoots the idea down every time.
Interestingly enough though, Katie still initiates hanging out in hopes Adam will change his mind.
I understand the thought process of hoping that the more time you spend with a guy, the greater the chance he will want to eventually make you his girlfriend. Unfortunately, men just don’t work that way. I’m going to argue that men know, fairly soon after spending time with you for the first time one-on-one, if they’re interested in getting to know you past a casual friends-with-benefits scenario.
Some girls are really out here mistaking a kiss on the forehead for an invitation to meet his mom. It is important to stop and ask yourself if you’re adding 2 + 2 and coming up with seven. If he cancels a plan last minute - it’s because something better came up. If he never brings you around his friends - it’s because he doesn’t see the point in you getting to know each-other, you’re not going to be around long. If he doesn’t ask you to be exclusive - it’s because he doesn’t want to be.
I know that sounds harsh, but we have to stop settling for this bottom of the barrel behavior when we want a real relationship. Allowing scenarios like these to continue only emphasizes to men everywhere that this is acceptable behavior. Continuing to sleep with a guy after he has proven that he doesn’t respect you or your time is like giving a dog a treat for chewing up your favorite pair of shoes.
To play devil’s advocate though, would you even want to exclusively date a man who took months to determine if you were actually worthy of being taken a real date? You know…like in public…without Netflix or alcohol being involved.
I wouldn’t.
If a man isn’t gradually making moves to take your relationship to the next level, that’s intentional and a serious data point to be considered.
Wasting time with a man who plans to keep things casual when you openly want more is a dead end. Now of course, there are exceptions to every rule but usually this just means the guy is a dud.
There is no point in focusing on why he doesn’t want to date you, ladies. It could be for any number of reasons, but more often than not, this absolutely has to do with him and not you. The important thing is to be strong enough to walk away.
If you’re involved in a casual fling and are capable of not catching feelings - more power to you! However, if the “situationship” is making you feel more anxious than content, more stressed than excited or more disappointed than happy - it’s time to move on.
Mark my words, a man is out there who will appreciate everything about you - but you have to decide to be confident in your own boundaries first before you can gain the respect of a worthy partner.