We Need to Stop Making Excuses for Guys Who Clearly Aren’t Interested

Take this to heart ladies - it is a complete waste of time to ignore red flags when it comes to guys, especially while we’re young and hot! It seems obvious to take a hint and move on after being blown off by your crush - but how many times have you found yourself in a situation where you’re simply making excuses for his bad behavior because you aren’t ready to admit a fling is cooling off?

I know a guy, we’ll call him Adam. Adam has been consistently hooking up with the same girl, Katie, for over a year. However, Adam has made it extremely clear both with his actions and words alike that this is strictly a physical relationship; he’s never taken Katie on a date, he’s never gone out of his way to make her feel special, heck - he’s never even hung out with Katie during daylight hours! Now, Katie has voiced on several occasions that she would love to take the relationship in a more serious direction but Adam shoots the idea down every time.

Interestingly enough though, Katie still initiates hanging out in hopes Adam will change his mind.

I understand the thought process of hoping that the more time you spend with a guy, the greater the chance he will want to eventually make you his girlfriend. Unfortunately, men just don’t work that way. I’m going to argue that men know, fairly soon after spending time with you for the first time one-on-one, if they’re interested in getting to know you past a casual friends-with-benefits scenario.

Some girls are really out here mistaking a kiss on the forehead for an invitation to meet his mom. It is important to stop and ask yourself if you’re adding 2 + 2 and coming up with seven. If he cancels a plan last minute - it’s because something better came up. If he never brings you around his friends - it’s because he doesn’t see the point in you getting to know each-other, you’re not going to be around long. If he doesn’t ask you to be exclusive - it’s because he doesn’t want to be.

I know that sounds harsh, but we have to stop settling for this bottom of the barrel behavior when we want a real relationship. Allowing scenarios like these to continue only emphasizes to men everywhere that this is acceptable behavior. Continuing to sleep with a guy after he has proven that he doesn’t respect you or your time is like giving a dog a treat for chewing up your favorite pair of shoes.

To play devil’s advocate though, would you even want to exclusively date a man who took months to determine if you were actually worthy of being taken a real date? You know…like in public…without Netflix or alcohol being involved.

I wouldn’t.

If a man isn’t gradually making moves to take your relationship to the next level, that’s intentional and a serious data point to be considered.

Wasting time with a man who plans to keep things casual when you openly want more is a dead end. Now of course, there are exceptions to every rule but usually this just means the guy is a dud.

There is no point in focusing on why he doesn’t want to date you, ladies. It could be for any number of reasons, but more often than not, this absolutely has to do with him and not you. The important thing is to be strong enough to walk away.

If you’re involved in a casual fling and are capable of not catching feelings - more power to you! However, if the “situationship” is making you feel more anxious than content, more stressed than excited or more disappointed than happy - it’s time to move on.

Mark my words, a man is out there who will appreciate everything about you - but you have to decide to be confident in your own boundaries first before you can gain the respect of a worthy partner.

The Major Dating Profile Mistakes Men are Constantly Making

Since we are currently quarantined and you may want to revamp your dating profile as summer is rapidly approaching, I am going to break down the major mistakes guys make when it comes to meeting women online.

I went undercover on Tinder for one day to expose everything men are doing wrong when it comes to the presentation of their profiles. I also spoke with women using dating profiles currently to effectively break down the biggest turn-offs in the cyber dating world.

Boys, I'm here to help!

So please, send this article to your friends, co-workers, fraternity brothers - whoever needs this information the most. The point is, get the word out there- these mistakes must cease ASAP for the good of all mankind!

First and foremost, you MUST refrain from posting group pictures. There is nothing worse than attempting to scan a photo with 20 guys who all look virtually the same. I don't know you from Adam right now and if I have to put in more than 5 seconds of Where's Waldo-type effort, I'm swiping left immediately.

If you absolutely have to post a group pic, it is necessary that the photo comes last in the sequence.

It is even more important that you do not (under any circumstances) include pictures of you and your much cuter friends. I can't even describe the disappointment of seeing a group of hotties set as the viewable first picture, only to swipe a few more times and find out the truth; the grenade of the group is hoping you mistake him for someone else in the squad of lady killers. 

Big Yikes.

I also find it very strange to include pictures with women. You know what I mean, the pic where you have your arm draped around a beautiful girl in an attempt to convince us all you have serious game. If you're on a dating website to begin with, you're trying to meet women. So obviously, you're not doing yourself any favors by posting chick pics and this is actually extremely counterproductive. If you do have a picture on your profile with your sister, cousin, etc., I would definitely specify the relationship in your description.

Guys, this also does not mean it's acceptable to sloppily crop your ex out so you can still post the picture. If I can see her arm or hair, that's equally as tacky!

Gross dead animal pictures really aren't necessary either. That's fine if you hunt, but save that detail for the written portion of your profile or post your adventures on Instagram. Most women are not going to be turned on by a dead deer and that's a fact. Many ladies mentioned this as a turn-off specifically.

Avoid shirtless mirror pictures at all costs too, I honestly don't think there is anything more lame. If you do actually have washboard abs (and most of you do not), I would much rather see a candid photo of you on the beach, at the pool or on a hike. But for the love of God, stop with the mirror pics.

Extremely long bios (filled with bad grammar and clingy innuendos), referencing money in any way ("I'm just out here getting my biggie bag" - yes, I really saw that) or pictures of just a car (usually it's not even a cool car) are all unfortunately way too common.

Take it from me guys and avoid these dating blunders. Meeting women online can be tricky as it is, don't make it harder for yourself! Follow my recommendations and I guarantee you'll have a much better chance matching with hotties.

Happy swiping!

The Art of Sending the Perfect DM

In this day and age, a flirty DM is equivalent to sending a drink over to the hottie across the bar; shooting your shot, taking a risk and making a move are all synonymous now with sliding into the DMs.

A step of this caliber is not to be taken lightly. You will either shoot and get a response (score!), or be left on read (swing and a miss). Moves need to be made, carefully. A simple “hi” probably isn’t going to cut it. So, what does a perfect DM look like?

Let’s break it down.

I encourage you first to examine your profile. A profile picture of your car and just your car? Gotta go. A selfie that makes you look like you have 5 chins? Not going to work either.

The key is in the details. You need to create a profile that accurately sums up who you are, without making it seem like you don’t have a life. It’s going to seem pretty weird if you post only pictures of your cat over and over, one kitty pic will suffice.

Now for the actual message itself; nothing too long and nothing too weird.

I spoke with multiple individuals for this article, and most suggested commenting on a Instagram story. This gives you a chance to make a connection about something you two have in common.

Your crush is hiking? You also love hiking and can ask their recommendation for favorite spots to visit!

Your crush is volunteering at the animal shelter? You too have been wanting to get involved in the community!

Humor can be key as well. If you’re funny, showcase that! Make a lighthearted joke.

I’m also a fan of liking a few recent pictures before sending your message to ensure your crush knows they’re on your mind. Think of your conversation like a game of badminton. You hit the birdie to your opponent, and they hit the birdie equally as forceful back to you. You should be able to tell within the first few messages if your crush is interested in holding a conversation.

Do not continue to message someone if they don’t respond, it just comes off as weird and desperate. If your crush didn’t respond after one message, they certainly aren’t going to respond after ten.

The DM interaction also should not continue for too long. A few “hits” back and forth is perfect. You can then choose to end the conversation (for now) and comment on another story later or send a message along the lines of, “I’m getting off here though, let me know if you’re out and about this weekend, my friends and I will be downtown :)”

The eventual transition to texting is crucial and if your crush does contact you again, exchanging numbers should be seamless.

Above all else, don't take it too personal if your crush doesn’t respond! There are plenty of fish in the sea (;